READ OTHERS WRITINGS OR
Some people come to sit and think.
Some people come to shit and stink.
But I come here to scratch my balls.
And read the writings on the Walls.
THE WALLS OF THE COSMIC OUTHOUSE!
ADD YOUR OWN
Here I sit all broken hearted
Paid a quarter and only farted!
Here I sit in stinking vapor;
someone stole the toilet paper.
How much longer should I linger,
before I decide to use my finger?
__________________
People who write on stinkhouse walls,
roll their shit in little balls.
People who read these lines of wit,
Eat the little balls of shit.
-----------------
Mable, Mable, you old whore!
You grubby, grimy slut.
Between your toes
Green fungus grows
Between your thighs,
Who know what lies?
Before I'd climb your greasy frame
and suck your festering tits,
I'd drink a gallon of buzzard puke,
And die of the dribbling shits.
__________________
Here I sit, what a caper
Had a shit, got no paper
Boss is around, mustn't linger
Fuck it all I'll use my finger.
----------------------
If a mans brain was as big as his balls,
There`d be no writing on shithouse walls.
====
Here I sit,
cheeks-a-flexin',
giving birth
to another Texan.
-----
Here I sit, what a caper
Had a shit, got no paper
Boss is around, mustn't linger
Fuck it all I'll use my finger.
There was a young fellow named Bart
Who strained ev'ry shit through a fart.
Each tip-tapered turd
Was the very last word
In this deft and most intricate art.
=====
Here I sit,
My cheeks a flexin.
Giving birth to another Texan.
-------------
Here I sit,
All broken hearted,
Came to shit,
But only farted,
So now I guess,
Oh what the hell,
I'll just sit back,
And enjoy the smell.
- - - - - -
Here i sit,
and it's all too clear,
that i was too late,
In getting here,
Now i sit,
In deep despair,
I ended up shitting,
In my underwear.
- - - - - -
Here i sit,
This day's gone bad,
I blame it all on,
The curry i had,
So please don't laugh,
I plead and beg,
As the diarrhoea runs,
down my trouser leg.
Dog tags ring, are you listenin'?
In the lane, snow is glistenin'.
It's yellow, NOT white
- I've been there tonight,
Marking up my winter wonderland.
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It's a sign for wand'ring vagrants;
'Avoid where I pee, it's MY pro-per-ty!
Marked up as my winter wonderland.'
In the meadow dad will build a snowman, following the classical design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go Man,
So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine!
Straight from me to the fencepost, flows my natural incense boast;
'Stay off of my TURF, this small piece of earth,
I marked it as my winter wonderland.
'Twas the night after Christmas and all through the kitchen
Little creatures were stirring up potions bewitching
Salmonellae were working in gravy and soup,
In the hopes they could turn it to poisonous goop!
Clostridia were nestled all snug in the ham,
While Hepatitis A viruses danced in the yam.
Little John with his Gobots and Mary in her cap,
Had just settled down for a long overdue nap.
When down in their guts there arose such a clatter
They sprang from their beds to see what was the matter.
They ran to the bathroom, threw open the door
Too late! Now their mother is cleaning the floor.
Wash your hands before cooking! Put your food away quick!
Or that jolly old food germ we know as Saint Sick
With his eight tiny microbes will ruin the feast
As they make their toxins. He calls out to each beast:
"Now Hepatitis! Now Staph and Perfringens;
We'll punish those humans for holiday binges!
On Botulinum! E. coli! Shigella!
Go get 'em Amoeba! Work fast, Salmonella!
If those humans can't learn to handle food right,
A Merry Christmas they'll have, then a long, sleepless night!"
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